Written by Israel Castillo, KURXMA
I grew more than I think I did.
Some say when you are in a relationship, your significant other represents you and you represent them. The way she handle things and the way she is, would of represented, the other-half of me years ago, in hatred and grudges. Self-destructing, really. We both have strong similarities with our parents, especially with our own fathers. Her outcomes, was my past. Ultimately, I healed through forgiveness. It something to be learned and to feel it, if you truly want to be happy or else the cycle continues. It's amazing when you put down that mask, say what you truly feel from the heart, and heal through a positive heart with no ill-will. I wasn't the one she could open to anymore. I lost her when she chose to close herself away from me. I was hurt, and betrayed in a sense. At this point, this was bigger than me. I didn't care for my feelings. I cared about her and her health. I didn't care whether she opens up to me or not. She had to let this go, it was eating her up inside like it did with me. I wanted her to release that anger inside, and for HER to replenish HER heart with love & forgiveness. I hope she forgives her father, her mother, and most importantly, herself. In due time...
Soooo much to say about this relationship!!!! Hypocrisy, pride, ego, letting go of them, share an advice but not taking one, "1-sided" - ness, insecurities on both ends, understanding one another, growth, the unfairness, the love, the illusions. AHHHH! This one hit me harder than my past 2 relationships. I'm surprised I'm still standing after this. lol
But all in all:
I cared. I said what I had to say.
I loved. Even, if she's not to me. I'm still a friend.
I let her go.
You can argue with me to say who called off the relationship first.
Me, For calling it off. or
Her, when she closed herself away, but still wanted me around.
I let go what was slowly turning into a poison for me and my growth.
Yeah, I still think about her, but rather in a fading fashion.
What hurts the most is: It's the way that we came into each other's life. The timing, our backgrounds, our goals, & our future. All of that disappears like it was never there at all. I usually have a casual talk with my exes months, even years later, But I knew how she is and she disappeared completely....
I live, and I laugh, and I let live.
Appreciate and forgive!
Blog #3 Topics:
"Guys are guys. We don't show our real emotions amongst each other."
- Sense of Security within my small group of friends.
- The inability to discuss a deeper topic with the "Homies"
- Resisting a (would-be) bad-habit.
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